


Tea Balls

by SwimmingBird



Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes - Arthur Conan Doyle
Genre: Blow Jobs, Boredom, Crack, M/M, Smut, Tea, Teaballs, english breakfast tea, tea balls, teabags
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-11
Updated: 2014-12-11
Packaged: 2018-03-01 01:51:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2755136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SwimmingBird/pseuds/SwimmingBird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm so so sorry...<br/>Comment as you see fit.</p><p>This was inspired by a vine I saw:<br/>https://vine.co/v/ht23iIvragZ</p>
            </blockquote>





	Tea Balls

**Author's Note:**

> This is Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's, Moffat's and Gatiss's sandbox, I'm just playing in it.
> 
> I have a feeling terrible fanfics like this have Sir Arthur Conan Doyle spinning in his grave so much we could use it as a never ending power source for years to come.

There was nothing on and Sherlock was beyond tears bored. So, Sherlock had the brilliant plan to make John act upon his latent homosexual attraction to Sherlock. His battle plan was perfect; John was watching some crap show on the telly, melting away the very few brain cells he had left in his skull when Sherlock climbed onto John's lap and straddled his legs.

John was obviously flustered and surprised by this development. "Bloody hell, Sherlock, what's this all about?!"

Sherlock started ticking off the following off with his fingers, "You are attracted to me. I'm bored. I want to entertain myself. And you can make it happen."

"Make what happen!?"

"Well, I was thinking of snogging you senseless and sucking you off, if you are amenable, of course."

"Oh...."

"'Oh' is your response? Your command of the English language is already awful and substandard, but saying 'oh' when someone propositions you is dull and idiotic, it seems like a clearer response would be better." Sherlock gave a loud dramatic sigh as he made a move to leave John's lap

"Shame, I've been told I have the best dick sucking lips from my previous lovers. I guess you-"

John stopped Sherlock from leaving and pulled him into a crushing kiss. It's not particularly pleasant, it's mostly biting and gnashing of teeth, yet neither of them complain. Their arms were a fury of movement, limbs attempted to take hold where ever they could.

Through some miracle, both of them end up undressed (aside from trousers) and throughly snogged. Sherlock was between John's clothed legs, ready to undo the zip. Sherlock looked up at John's blushing face and wet reddened puffy lips as he unbuttoned and unzipped John's trousers.

Sherlock reached into the undone trousers to seize his prize, but he encountered something he could not deduce or even anticipate surrounding John's erect prick.

"John...."

"Ah, yes, Sherlock?" John's voice was breathy and whiny. He was eager to be sucked.

"Are these tea bags in your pants?"

"Oh? Ah! Yes, of course! Every soldier keeps tea bags near their prick and balls. It's a proud British military tradition. It reminds us of tea and country," this is all said rather unconvincingly.

"I believe the phrasing is 'Queen and country' and I've never heard of this before, and this isn't something I would delete..."

"Well, it's definitely a thing."

"..."

"Oh, just get on with it if you are going to-" Sherlock removed the teabags from around John's prick and balls and pulled his pants down to rest under the balls, cradling them there. Sherlock inspected the prick rather clinically, he grabbed it at the head with his thumb and forefinger, moving it this way and that to see it from all angles.

After he was satisfied with inspection and enjoyed John's pained noises of frustration and annoyance, Sherlock moved his lips to the head of John's prick and suckled it lightly, swirling his tongue over the tip in his mouth. He used one hand to hold John down from bucking and gagging him at John's hip. The other hand worked the shaft, covering the areas not in his mouth. He sucked and licked, just enough for John to feel it, but not enough to be beyond teasing. Sherlock slowly took more and more of John's prick and into his mouth. He took an amount and sucked and swirled his tongue, before retreating slightly. He took two sucks forward and one suck back, until he had as much of John he could in his mouth. He ran his tongue under John's prick, against the large vein there.

He drew back off the prick as John moaned at the loss of sensation. Sherlock's lips were puffy and red as he spoke "You taste like English breakfast tea and dick." He said this not in a judging way, but a clear statement of facts. John shrugged in response, not really caring what Sherlock said, so long as his mouth would be back on his prick soon.

Sherlock, seeing there would be no further explanation, returned his mouth to John. He sucked and worked John's shaft at a punishing pace, so much so John's pleasure is blended is some pain.

All too soon, John moved one of his hands from where they were clenched at his sides to Sherlock's head to warn him of his imminate release. Sherlock batted him off with the hand that was preventing John from gagging him before returning to John's hip.

"Ahdgjf! Sherlock!" John released, with a shout, into Sherlock's mouth and drew him up for a kiss. Sherlock gave him an open kiss and pushed John's release into his mouth. John pulled away as soon as he realised what happened.

"Ugh, Sherlock, what the hell?!"

"You expected me to swallow that? It tastes disgusting and I have no desire to swallow it. It's yours anyway, I'm just returning it to you."

John was willing to see Sherlock had a point. "It does taste bloody awful, now I have more of an appreciation for my exes..."

"So.... Tea bags? You know tea balls are not literally tea plus human genitals. They are little metal balls with holes all over with a clasp at the seal which you fill with tea leaves to act as a strainer."

"Yeah yeah, smart arse."

...

"You know you could return the favour ..." Sherlock stood and gestured to his tented trousers. 

"In for a penny..."

"In for a suck, yes yes. And as you said ' _get on with it._ '"

 

**Author's Note:**

> Comments? Thoughts? Feelings?


End file.
